Hate is a Strong Word

It’s pure selfishness really, to be mad that he isn’t here, I HATE it. To miss him so much, knowing how his earthly body had failed him for so many years and being confident that he is now healed and whole, that that damn wheelchair is no longer necessary and that he is having the most glorious days at the feet of Jesus.

Do I think for a minute that he would trade where is now to come back to live in this imperfect world? Truly I wouldn’t want him to and yet every year starting January 2 I wake each day re-living with crazy clarity what happened on that day 7 years before. I know where we were, what happened, who was there…it’s like a movie playing that I HATE and don’t really wanna sit through but am unable to turn off.

Seven years ago today surrounded by his girls my daddy was finally able to rest. There were angels in the room that day as we said our goodbyes. Just another of the beautiful memories I’m blessed to treasure from those 20 years. I HATE that I re-live those 15 days, I HATE that I’m overly emotional for days leading up to the 17th, I HATE that he’s missed out on so many things my children have accomplished, I HATE that we call this date an anniversary, which makes it sound positive and it is but only for him. I HATE that I’m so selfish that I would wish him back here with us.

You know what he’d say to all that?

’HATE is a strong word Kimbo.’

Daddy, seven years ago you left the brokenness of this world but you have never left our hearts. Thank you for being the voice in my head and the music in my heart. I LOVE you #alot