Living in the Moment
“Give us this day, our daily bread.” Matthew 6:11 totally tells us in that verse that God will give us what we need for that day, not for the future but just for that day. He even tells us in Matthew 6:34 “…do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” I wish with my whole entire heart that I could live that verse better but I honestly just don’t know how. I’m a planner (not when it comes to meal planning or exercising I totally fail at those things) but in general planning is kinda my thing.
I love agendas and get really excited when I get a new one in. I spend way too much money on them but I completely geek out over filling in the squares with the intricacies and busyness of of this family of mine. I have a budget that is planned out to the penny, and if something comes up that changes that budget I don’t just amend it, that’s crazy talk y’all, I start that whole budget over. Seriously I can sit for hours planning our expenses ten different ways, Craig just shakes his head and walks away. I’m telling y’all, I’m a total planning geek which sounds really positive right? I mean these are all good things, but what happens when someone feels like they have to have life planned out every day and in reality life can’t be planned because it’s life, and it’s messy, and it’s unpredictable.
See the problem is I have a kid who is my mirror image in almost every way imaginable (this is not always a good thing). This kid of mine who is amazingly smart, funny, talented, driven and beautiful has a flaw, she needs life to be planned out. She needs to know what’s coming next always, she wakes up and immediately asks what the plans are for the day and she doesn’t do well if that answer is “don’t know” or “haven’t thought that far yet”. She needs to know what we’re eating for dinner while we’re eating lunch. She needs to know each and every detail before she can walk into a situation. I understand this way of thinking because I feel it too. We have to be prepared, we have to know what’s coming, we don’t like surprises and by knowing what’s next we remain in control of our lives, or so we think. What I am finally learning at the (young) age of 44 is that we are not in control and we were never meant to be. No matter how hard we work to plan or how many times we re-work a situation we aren’t in control. I don’t believe that means we should stop planning but I do think it means we should stop trying so hard. The one big thing that scares me about being a planner and always looking to what’s next is feeling like maybe I’m missing out on the here and now. If you are always looking ahead (or behind) can you really see what’s literally in your face? If while you are in a moment do you think that moment is lost if you are busy planning the next? I do y’all, I really really do.
I’m not gonna stop planning, I enjoy it and it keeps me sane(r) but I am going to try and remember to be more present in the current moments and just maybe if I am, then my mini me will learn to be more present as well. It may take her awhile to figure it out, because let’s be honest, 16 year olds are wishing their lives away while trying to become grown ups and 44 year olds are wishing their adulthood away while trying to become kids again. Which actually brings me to the question, is a 44 year old woman driving a Challenger having a mid life crisis? On second thought don’t answer that, I don’t think I want to know, actually I don’t really care, just another perk of getting older…