It’s OK
This is the third post I’ve started since March 12, the other two are sitting in drafts where maybe they’ll be posted as is, or combined for one, or deleted or possibly just sit there for me to come back to and look at later. I keep coming to this place to get my feelings out and I literally cannot get them out of my head into a rational thought so instead of trying so hard to make a perfect post I’m just going to let them fly and today that’s ok.
I’m sitting here with my senior daughter who is doing her online homework on day four of the mandatory social distancing we are now living, as if this is all normal and crap. It’s not, and quite frankly I’m angry and I know I’m not alone in this feeling. I’m angry that my daughter is done with showing animals as a junior showmen (let’s be honest we’re all just waiting for the call from County cancelling that as well). I’m angry she didn’t get a chance to walk in those green shavings one last time. I’m angry she didn’t get to show at Rodeo Austin like she asked us to for two years and we finally said yes. I’m angry that we have now had two senior recognition banquets canceled and most likely more to come. I’m angry that instead of enjoying her last high school spring break she spent the first half preparing for HLSR and the last half crying because it was cancelled. I’m angry because she has no clue if prom or senior field day will happen. I’m angry because she keeps asking me how will they graduate and I don’t know even though I work for the school. I’m angry because I have no answers for this beautiful child of mine. I’m angry because I’ve walked senior year twice before with my sons and it’s crazy and it’s expensive and it’s amazing and I couldn’t wait to walk it with this last child of mine. I couldn’t wait to plan outfits, plan parties and dinners and celebrate. I COULD NOT WAIT…not because I was ready for her to go but because I wanted to celebrate her in the same way I celebrated her older brothers. I’m angry because that (or at least a portion of that) has been stolen from us!
Is her senior year more important than other people’s health? Nope! So when I (or any other parent) complains about our children (especially the seniors), missing out do me a favor and step back. We aren’t saying we don’t care because we do. We aren’t saying we aren’t taking precautions because we are. We aren’t saying we don’t understand because even if we don’t, we respect the people making these decisions (well maybe not Mayor Turner and the way he closed HLSR but that’s one of those drafts I was talking about).
One of my sons upon starting a new job told me he was nervous because he didn’t know what he was doing. I told him none of us really know what we are doing, we all just kind of make up this life thing as we go along. I was trying to be helpful…I may have failed with that statement. Honestly though y’all, no statement has ever been more true than that one right now during this literally overwhelming purely psychotic time. Not one of us knows what we are doing, we are all just taking it minute by minute and day by day. So here’s what I want to ask of all of you to do. When you see or hear something that YOU think is trivial or that you don’t agree with during this volatile time just scroll on by. There is no need to start more drama than the toilet paper crisis has already caused. We are all going to deal with this differently and that’s ok.
To my seniors who are worried about things that some adults don’t seem to think are important. It’s ok to be angry that your senior year is being screwed up. It’s ok to be sad that you’re missing out on being a normal teenager. It’s ok to be more scared than you think maybe you should be. It’s ok to get frustrated at the adults who are making decisions for you because you’re “an adult”…but you’re also still our children.
To my fellow parents allow these semi adults to be sad and scared and angry. If they were five years old again and throwing a temper tantrum because they want to play with their friends we would hug them and distract them and be ok with it because they’re little and don’t understand. There is no difference right now with our adult children. How can they understand if we don’t? How can they process it if we can’t? Now is the time to understand their teenager-ism more than ever, now is the time to talk to them more than ever, now is the time to love them and their crankiness more than ever. Allow them to have these feelings, allow them to be completely honest with you and then help them to find a way to distract themselves from it. They will not handle this like adults because they aren’t actually adults yet and that’s ok.
We’re all gonna make it through this, we may have a few emotional battle scars but this too shall pass and on the other side we will find the joy and the laughter and the celebrations that we are missing out on now. Now is the time not to judge but to understand, now is the time to forgive who we once held a grudge against, now is the time to come together (at an appropriate six feet from each other of course), now is the time to get back to basics and learn what I am always talking about when I say #qualityfamilytimedadgumnit, now is the time to be kind y’all and wash those hands.
