Three Empty Rooms
This house is quiet now, the messes are fewer and I have plenty of time for long uninterrupted baths. The nights aren’t as long and the days feel shorter.
Three rooms that once held laughter, yelling, music, and playing now stand empty. The still moments that I’m currently living (and sometimes struggling) through are the same exact moments I prayed for during those sleepless nights. The days I cried over in the shower are the same ones I wish I could go back and do again.
The Wedding
One early morning when Dakota was just a few months old I laid us both down in my bed after a long sleepless night. I was hoping for a nap, instead I found myself lying there just staring at him. I watched his long lashes flutter while he dreamt, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the way he turned toward me craving my presence even in his sleep, his tiny hand gripping my arm. We were a team, the two of us and I realized that while right now he was mine and I was his, one day that all would change and he would walk away.
The thought of another woman taking my place was all at once brutal and crucial. While I didn’t want to be replaced I wanted him to find and know a love like his father and I had. With tears falling while he slept peacefully beside me I quickly wrote down the words that were racing through my head. ‘You Walk Away’, was a glimpse into how I imagined our future together and I wasn’t very far off.
Must Love Dogs
My family teases that I love the dogs more than I love them, not true, but dogs don’t ask anything of me. When I cry, their cold noses and wet kisses dry my tears, they listen without judgement and love me even when I’m unlovable. They force me to walk when I don’t want to move and when I’m feeling empty and weary they pour their souls into me.
Quiet
Quiet moments hold hope, fear, confusion, promises yet fulfilled, happiness, sadness; and somehow those feeling are all felt at the exact same time. So how then is the definition of quiet the “absence of noise or bustle; silence; calm”? Quiet moments are anything but calm and they’re usually not peaceful, my quiet moments seem to be all at once brutal and beautiful.
My Special Purpose
Lately I’ve been struggling, I’m cranky, I’m a little down, I’m frustrated.
Wanna Trade?
I’ve been sitting outside trying really hard to write and it’s just not working y’all, my thoughts are all a jumbled emotional mess. So I’m just gonna put it here where most likely it will receive some flak but oh well.
Go West Young Man
It’s hard on this momma’s heart but you know what I didn’t realize is how hard it’d be on the daddy’s heart as well.