Finding their Wings
I've been gone for awhile and it sucks y'all. I don't know why I haven't come back here, the place I set up for myself. I gave this gift to myself and then walked away from it. Is it laziness or lack of self discipline? I'm gonna go ahead and say a little bit of both. I have a friend from high school that would have all kinds of things to say about that! (I'm a work in progress Tony! lol) I'm back now. Why? Well of course it's because my life is in upheaval, I mean nothing earth shattering but for me it's big so I'm here to get it out of my head and my heart which means I guess y'all get to share it with me.
You know how when we have these babies and we start from almost the very beginning to train them to be self sufficient and independent and the ultimate goal is for them to go out and conquer the world on their own? Those days in junior high and high school when they've lost their minds and you think 'Oh dear Lord! They are never gonna make it in the real world if they can't even remember to turn in a dadgumn history paper!' Those are the moments that sometimes you long for again as a mama. The days where they needed you for every little thing, because my friends one day they wont and it just SUCKS!
Dakota graduated from college in December (in 3.5 years thank you very much) and before he walked that stage for that hard earned diploma he already had his plans set for the next phase of his life. That amazed me and I was all 'Look at MY kid y'all! He's the coolest ever!' and then yesterday we were packing him up to leave and all of a sudden I decided that I wanted him to be hanging in my house trying to figure out what he was gonna do next. (Not really y'all but mama's you get it right?) We want them to find their wings and fly but at the same time we want them to curl up in our lap and hold them.
Today my Dakota starts his internship (paid thank you very much) with an amazing wildlife conservation and research foundation. He will be working and living on one of their ranches in South Texas. He will be working cattle, helping with research, operations and education outreach. He is living every little cowboys dream (and is the envy of his father and brother). My kid who wants to be a Wildlife Biologist, who has dedicated his life to education, research and conservation of this beautiful land of ours is 21 years old and already on his way to an amazing future. I am so proud of him and yet after he drove off yesterday I sat at my kitchen table and bawled. I mean y'all! He's not going in the service (though living in a bunk house it kinda feels a little like the service...we're talking buck beds and a trunk for your belongings.) It's a totally different feeling than back to college and I didn't expect that. He's a full fledged adult now, entirely independent and on his own and I'm over here wondering how the last 21 years passed by in the blink of an eye. Yesterday as we stood in the driveway I tried to fill his head with how perfect and prepared and just bad ass he is and the whole time I'm starring up into those beautiful soulful dark eyes and I didn't see a 21 year old man. I saw a little boy in overalls in the back yard who decided to run away because he was mad about something. Who wouldn't come inside until I bribed him with Dino nuggets. Who after he ate crawled up in my lap and let me rock him.
Dakota, you my friend are an amazing person who will succeed in everything you do because you don't know how not to. You do what is expected of you and you do it to the best of your ability because it's the right thing to do. You make your mama and dad so proud! Go kick ass kid!