I Quit…
I quit, gave up, threw in the towel, surrendered, dropped the ball, screwed the pooch (that’s a term my father used), sorry I couldn’t think of any other terms/words to state the fact that I am indeed a quitter.
What did I quit? I appreciate you asking, I quit me. I gave up on myself, I decided that I wasn’t worthy of the effort that I was pouring into others and ultimately should also be pouring into myself.
I didn’t quit my job or being a mom or a wife. I didn’t quit being a daughter or a friend. I didn’t quit my housework or taking care of my animals. Nope, all things received my full attention which left nothing left for myself.
It’s not a bad thing to give your all to others, in fact my Bible verse for today was Galatians 6:2 “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ”. I’m gonna be real honest with y’all, I was up at 4:30 this morning writing this thing that you’re currently reading and arrived at work at approximately 7:50 (Starbucks was on its game this morning y’all!). I flipped my daily verse, and this showed up. I’m certain that I went full on teenager mode and rolled my eyes, probably not the action God wants me to display upon reading His words. The problem is we seem to give our all to others/things and leave nothing for ourselves.
I was aware of what was happening, I could feel the anxiousness creeping in. The exhaustion, the crankiness, the complete and total lack of not giving a shit. I felt it looming on the horizon; just kidding, it was already there, already risen, bright and obnoxious. It was a solar eclipse just begging for my attention but knowing I couldn’t really look at it. Unlike a solar eclipse that could blind me (is that just an old wives tale?) this thing would open my eyes to the truth and let’s be honest, no one really wants the truth. If I just kept moving forward with my eyes closed and oblivious to the pain, I could live in complete denial.
Like all lies though, eventually they will be brought out of the dark and into the light and that’s what happened at 4:30 this morning.
This is the time I most days naturally wake up; I do my yoga then grab my coffee and do my bible study or journaling. Lately though I’d either lay in bed and stew on all the things or I grabbed my coffee and went back to bed to blindly scroll social media (this lack of productivity is something I would fuss at my husband, mother and/or adult children about).
This morning my stomach hurt, I felt bloated and sluggish so I forced myself out of bed and onto the mat. Twenty minutes into my moderate practice I quit. My strength sucked, my muscles ached and just like each evening on the treadmill, I quit before I was done, I was a quitter.
Just like the journal I wrote this in, that was purchased in October 2021 and is not even half full, just like my website I recently paid to renew that’s not updated. I was a quitter.
I quit because I didn’t care enough about myself, I wasn’t treating myself like I was treating those around me. I quit myself and allowed myself to gain weight, I quit myself and am now out of shape, I quit myself and this is why I’ve felt myself being more anxious and depressed.
I quit myself but as we fly into 2023, (which by the way didn’t the Jetson’s say we would have a robot cleaning my house by now?) I have decided, I quit quitting! I choose to give back to myself, to my health both physical and mental, my writing, my dreams, my passions. I choose to stop quitting myself because I’m worthy of my own attention! I AM WORTHY, Y’ALL!
I don’t make resolutions, but if I did, I believe I’d say that 2023 will be the year of quitting being a quitter and I’m starting today!
I hope that if you’re tired of quitting yourself you’ll start with me, who knows what could happen y’all, the possibilities are endless. Let’s Go!