Proud

Parenting is hard y'all. It doesn't matter what stage you're in either; from bringing them home from the hospital and trying to figure out what the heck you're supposed to be doing to toddler years where they don't listen to a dadgumn thing you say (unless it's a cuss word then they're gonna not only listen but repeat it at high volume levels at the most inopportune times). Then you enter the middle school/junior high years and lets face it, those are some seriously awkward awful years. Then high school comes and freshman year is ok, they still need you and they feel a little out of sorts so they cling to you and then by the end of that glorious year they start to gain their footing and you are no longer necessary. As they start to pull away realizing just how very close they are to "freedom" we start pulling back realizing just how very close they are to "freedom". The tug 'o war that is the high school years is a special sort of hell that we all have to go through and on the other side we look back and wonder just how in the world we made it.

I've raised three vastly different yet incredibly similar children and I've determined that the hardest stage (for me at least) is the high school years. You have these semi adults that will one minute make you so proud that you are nearly bursting and literally thirty minutes later you're wondering just what in the sam hell is wrong with this kid and how you could've raised such a child. Y'all don't even pretend y'all don't know what I'm talking about. I know that Facebook and Instagram shows the filtered beautiful side of life but let's be completely honest, behind those photos are real stories of crying and yelling, slammed doors and hurt feelings, apologies and hoping for real change. These kids of mine aren't perfect and it's ok because their parents aren't perfect. These kids of mine will screw up and it's ok because their parents screw up. These kids of mine will fail and it's ok because their parents fail. During every single one of their peaks and valleys that they endure at every stage we are standing behind them praying and cheering, supporting and reminding them that they have not yet reached the finish line and to not give up now.

It's a weird thing as a parent to know that you've taken care of your kids basic needs for the last eighteen years and in a mere matter of months they'll be completely on their own. You know you have given them every tool you have to become self sufficient, independent, responsible adults and now they're supposed to fly even if they fall at first that's part of the journey. I've done this before y'all (twice), I've sent a kid out into the big bad world to find their wings and every single time as I send them out I tell them to "make me proud". In fact it's a statement I start making early in their lives, when they're little and we have to go somewhere and have good behavior "make me proud". When they're at their first sleepover and I drop them off and remind them to use their manners "make me proud". When they get their license and the freedom that goes with it, "I don't want to see your truck on the Facebook moms page! Make me proud!". Here is what I'm finally realizing (with the third kid, sorry boys you guys were my testers) is they do make me proud, maybe not every moment of every day but for the most part for the last eighteen, twenty and twenty two years their dad and I have been very proud. So maybe what I should be saying instead is make yourself proud. Because I'm already proud of them, but are they proud of themselves? Do they look in the mirror and see the super cool human looking back that I see? God, I pray they do!

We took our baby girls senior pictures (earlier than we ever did her brothers...'cause she's a girl), and I was totally fine until the last photo. When the photographer asked her to put her hand on my arm, this child of mine instead reached down and grabbed my hand, I lost it. Proud y'all! This kid makes me proud. I have no doubt she will go out and conquer the world, I have no doubt she will achieve her goals, I have no doubt that she will stumble and maybe even fall but that she will stand up and dust herself off and make herself proud. Truly y'all that's the real accomplishment. Not that we're proud of them but that they're proud of themselves.